Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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