I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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