It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
