my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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