he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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