apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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