I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
