please come you make the beer taste better
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
