Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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