I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
