Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
