I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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