He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
