o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
