I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
