We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
