K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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