jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
