You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
