what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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