everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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