I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
