Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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