were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had to cum in my sink.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
