Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
