She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
