Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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