If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
