I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When are your genitals available?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
