so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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