Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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