So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
