I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize