Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
