Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
