I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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