he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
