This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
