At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
