well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
