We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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