Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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