I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
