I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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