Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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