just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
