I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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