ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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