So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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