Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
