dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
