You made me cry and you don't even care
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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