Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
