I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
