Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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