Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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