I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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