god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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