She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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