is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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