I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The Olympian is in my bed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
