we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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