Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
