I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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