So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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