i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
