I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
